Strategic Charter or fairy tale about the adventures of Ku and Ze | Latest news The Moscow Post
05 December 2023

Strategic Charter or fairy tale about the adventures of Ku and Ze

Signed the other day, the so-called "Charter on strategic partnership between the United States and Ukraine," raised a lot of questions among international experts. For those who are aware of the matter, this document does cause laughter.

The Moscow Post international columnist tried for the uninitiated, to interpret this with the permission to say "document" in the form of a fairy tale, which would be clear to everyone from where and for what "legs grow here," and even for whom this "charter" was composed.

In winter cold conditions, when the batteries have cooled down in order to keep warm, you need to move. It does not matter, as well as where, the main thing is not to sit still, including intellectually. It was this advice that was followed by the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine Dmitry Kuleba (Ku-leba), when, on behalf of his senior partner in managing the environs of Kiev and even Lviv, he went to Washington.

In this relatively southern (even by Odessa concepts) place, the Kiev minister did not so much warm his knees as warm his soul, wounded in the fight against something dissatisfied with Russia, as well as his purely Ukrainian energy crisis. It was not anyone who helped him in these soul-warming exercises, but everyone was satisfied with Anthony Blinken and Washington, always welcoming for guests from Kiev. Secretary of State Blinken, no matter how, is the right hand of the US president to build a strategy in the Kiev-Lviv direction important for the White House. Once, during the Obama era, this direction led the Biden family to Poroshenko's company and, at the same time, Burisma. But it was a long time ago.

Soon the fairy tale is affecting... And fellow diplomats, even friends, as they call themselves for the protocol, briefly thinking, signed the Charter on strategic partnership. As expected, they paid tribute to Europe close to their hearts - free, democratic and peaceful. True, the definition of "holistic" was put first in this line of the document, indicating, apparently, the civil war in Ukraine, which for some reason has been going on for the eighth year.

And the outcome of this war seems clear to everyone. It is clear to all sensible people that Crimea will never again be part of the Kiev territories. Everything is sad, there is nowhere further, but you need to move to warm up. Therefore, they decided to renew the Charter. In the first edition, the document was adopted back in December 2008, when gas heating in Kiev was still available.

Values and interests

And now something is cooling, winter is coming. And Ukraine decided to keep warm. The proven method is to mark about cherries or about "full integration into European and Euro-Atlantic institutions," childishly believing that integration will "ensure the economic prosperity of its people." Note that about the "people" and "prosperity" in the document is stated only here. Further, the people are referred to as the population. "Prosperity" is not decrypted at all, maybe it has already been achieved.

So, the Charter states that Ukraine believes that a strategic partnership with the United States "is crucial for the security of Europe as a whole" and its own, Kiev security. And Blinken agrees, supports Kuleb in the fact that "Russian aggression" threatens regional peace and stability, as well as the global order based on the rules. And nothing more, although both understand that there are other threats, including the risks of losing recently acquired power and fame due to a high diplomatic position.

Anthony, as a longtime aide to Uncle Joe, was "lucky" with the vote count in the recent presidential election. Dmitry fate also smiled. But it was more of a professional grimace of his tortuous boss. But the life of real diplomats is full of foreign adversity and testing at home. For example, on the threshold of Kiev stands confident and open Russia, and at home - the heating season has already arrived. Washington on the verge of its global worries is a confident and day by day stronger China. And at home - trials of Trump supporters and ships descending from the slipway under the name (now certainly!) Of celebrities with an unconventional orientation.

It should be sad for both, but the strategic partnership warms the soul, especially naive and carelessly wary of diplomat Dima. The main thing is that he has a friend Anthony, cooperation has potential, as well as the Commission on Strategic Partnership with Working Groups. These groups should finally unleash this potential. It would seem that everything is said, everything is clear to pain in his fists, but not. Without principles, strategic partners cannot!


I don't know if the United States, tortured by global responsibility and concerns to fuel new crises, still has such charters or such deeply binding documents.

But here the "spit" of security stumbles upon the "stone" of Russian opposition, any actions of Moscow are perceived as "aggression." Even offers to conclude a direct gas supply contract at a price much lower than the exchange price. And territorial integrity can be preserved if the Minsk agreements are followed. And the threats to eliminate, if not fire at the Donbass coal slipping out of hand, together with mines and miners, Donetsk and Lugansk. Kiev, represented by Ze (Lensky) and Ku (lebs), know what to do with these attacks - "deepen Ukrainian integration into Euro-Atlantic institutions." Maybe it's about NATO? That's what they would say.

Ku and Ze stuck on NATO pipe

Ku went to Washington to confirm the right of the department entrusted to him to conduct a "foreign policy course, without any external interference, including in relation to Ukraine's desire to join NATO." In this place, it becomes clear the meaning of the document signed in Washington. The Charter is NATO, NATO is the Charter. Modestly and tastefully, it is better not to come up with. Now the task is to encourage Brussels to conclude another charter, regarding Kiev and the European Union! Still, in NATO, the main boss is Washington, and in the EU - Brussels, as it still seems.

Ze, while his minister Ku furrowed the expanses of the world's air ocean, did not despair. He wondered how to "hold Russia accountable," and do this with the support of NATO and the hands of the United States. And his task is not simple - not only to "counter armed aggression" from Moscow, but also to hold her accountable for the "failures in the economy and energy" of Ukraine. In this place of the Charter text, the skillful hand of State Department editors was felt, who did not escape the temptation to embed the epithet "malicious" in the text next to the word "Russia." Malicious Evil Empire - nothing goes missing in the State Department!

And the parties would like to "eliminate the humanitarian and security costs associated with the Russian occupation of Crimea." Here Ze is right, indeed Russian Crimea was occupied, but only a little earlier, under Catherine the Great. The former KVN leader and his worthy chief recall their common favorite child - the Crimean platform, unloved Donetsk and Lugansk regions, sanctions against Russia, internationally recognized borders, the Norman format and the UN. But for some reason it forgets to say at least something about the Minsk process, at least a word.

… The most curious thing is that Blin (ken), Ku and Ze supported here, making forgetfulness a new norm (rules) of international law. As a result, Blin "stayed on the trumpet" and was even so passionate about "law" that he did not remember the UN, an organization located very nearby, in New York with its Security Council. Or maybe not. What to remember about the aging UN Security Council with its resolutions, values, etc.

Approach is a defense

And here our outstanding storytellers passed to the strategy. And that as, friendship already is, chewing gum about Russia still is, and cooperation develops, and there is no strategy everything and isn't present. Also they decided to work together over safety issues, that is to play war. However, until separately – the senior storyteller after hot summer in Kabul decided to master open spaces of the Black Sea with the Sevastopol anchor buoys "Far not to swim away" or "You won't swim far". Watching how to translate into English.

And at this time, the younger storyteller and almost strategic partner continued to practise in firing practice in a local shooting gallery which to the fatal phenomenon of non-russian Kuchma to his right-bank fellows, left-bank new Russian managed to call Donbass. Дострелялись to the fact that on the building of LPR-DPR prevention appeared too – not to shoot. Due to the forthcoming repair of the line of demarcation the shooting gallery will be closed and renamed. As it is renamed, didn't think up yet, but think.    

And still coauthors "дострелялись" to what after the Crimean canal began to dry up also creation of the Soviet era – the vivifying gas transmission system. And everything became extremely clear now: if persistently to knock at the doors of already closed Donetsk and Luhansk SHOOTING GALLERY, then his managing directors can the story other prevention "The stranger the entrance is prohibited!", and at violators to demand to show already almost expired license for "statehood"!   

Here and our Blin and Ku planned ways of advance to "the general priorities", described ways of their realization. Forgot only about safety measures for Sze and Ku. Namely from the Black Sea it is possible to departure, and from Kiev – only across Dnieper and only on the South, to the Black Sea again, is closer to the Crimea. Both parties not for fun worry about safety of these geographical zones. Junior shooters-trainees even send sometimes diversionary missions that to check this safety that was then what to bring in the general moneybox of "exchange of intelligence information". So there are still reserves to fulfill this proud rank - "status of the partner in NATO".

And to achieve "operational compatibility" on the way to "Euro-Atlantic aspirations", it is necessary to increase "defensive purchases". This means helps so far. Still a money would throw, the shooter-trainee Ku thought on this place of the Charter. I thought, but I didn't tell. The diplomatic protocol didn't allow.

Institutes and obligations

The fairy tale, that is the Charter, came to an end, and our storytellers decided to pay after all tribute to the international institutes, including the UN, promised "to multiply efforts" that nobody and ever undermined "the international order". On this place, Pancake densely reddened, student's years in France, Vietnam, Iran, Iraq, Syria affected, you won't remember everything! Also cast to him these memoirs already rather bothered, bored stamp - "international law". And also absolutely fresh memories of Kabul emerged.

At Kiev in this area it is simpler because memory is shorter. The main thing is not to get off, not to forget about the one who "started armed conflict in the Donetsk and Luhansk regions" in this connection "the government of Ukraine increases the vital help to the most vulnerable population groups, including elderly, in the form of food, housing, drinking water and protection".

Here, once again remembered the people, very the population. Only it isn't absolutely clear who is helped by the Kiev authorities with drinking water when AFU fire at water pump stations? But it is already details with which to deal OSCE if her observers know that it "water pump stations".

But after all at the fairy tale a happy end: The USA undertook the obligation "to fight against distribution of weapons of mass destruction and to ensure safety of advanced technologies". Didn't plan, but it was necessary. The Ukrainian partners insisted!

The final, third section of the Charter is devoted to "Democracy and rule of law". There is a lot of to what at Kiev, especially the storyteller Sze, it is possible to learn. And about the following section "Economic Transformation" and there is nothing to speak! There is a reminder that "reforms are crucial in order that the economy earned for the benefit of all her population". It would be correct to add the "growing poor" population, but these are already details. In fairy tales simplifications are allowed and there is always a place for a miracle.

We also wish this miracle to Post-Soviet and independent Ukraine, especially in the come heating season proceeding in the conditions of almost "the found power independence"! In ten years the Charter is promised to be revised once again. Here will interestingly esteem the following edition of this fairy tale.

But to be honest, all this reminds a session at the Washington psychoanalyst for the Kiev patient. Also doesn't leave feeling that the first has problems with adequate perception of reality too!

Subscribe to our channels YANDEX.ZEN, PULSE, GOOGLE NEWS